Life gets in the way

Ok, it's been awhile I know. I never meant it to be this way. It has been a long, very hot and very stressful summer for me. I will be honest and tell you that anxiety and depression and children have ruled my summer, there weren't many traces of "me" actually around. 

I wanted to share what has happened to those of you who wondered where I went. Maybe it will help someone else deal with some fear they may be having too. 

5 years ago I had breast pain, I went and got that checked, they found a lump and a cyst, a very small lump. They wanted a needle biopsy, well no, I can't do needles and that is true, I asked to be knocked out, nope, they wouldn't do it. I didn't go back. Before we went on vacation, I found a few more lumps, was having severe pain and my right breast had actually grown. I don't think that 51 yr old women grow a larger breast, it's a little late for that, and especially just one.We went despite my fear, I tried to have fun, as best as I could with the anxiety that was building inside of me. We came home, the pain subsided a bit, until 2 weeks before the next monthly, this time it came back in both of them, so I forced myself to my doctor for some anxiety meds, scheduled an appointment at the breast clinic and went. Fortunately a good friend went with me through all of this and let me cry whenever I needed to. I don't need to tell you that the little lump had grown to about 4 cm. and I was full of cysts. They really didn't think it was anything bad, they figured it was a fiberadnoma, nothing real serious, but it needed removed.Shall I say that fear overtook me that day late in July. That was it, there was no more me, anxiety, fear, depression, that's what the summer was for me. I couldn't touch my chest for pain, work was hard, couldn't find a bra that would cause no pain, life sucked at that time. I functioned at the necessary stuff, but I couldn't think, I tried to paint and it wouldn't happen. I just kept looking at my grandson and crying, thinking that I had just been handed a death sentence. I prayed hard, talked to God at odd times of the day, tried to cope. Surgery for me was scary, it was needles and pain and fear of what might really be there.

The day came, drugs are good, I was relaxed, the IV went well, I slept and was given more drugs. Diana was with me as was my middle daughter Tina and I guess I was amusing. Then I woke up and came home and was amazed at the lack of pain, no pain meds needed, went back to work and was pretty positive waiting for the biopsy. Then the call came. It was a Phyllodes tumor, a very rare and fast growing type of cancer, and it had grown, to 5 1/2 cm in a month. No cure, no radiation, chemo, hormone therapy, talk about a slap in the face! More surgery to remove the tissue around it to make sure it was clear. A partial mastectomy. 2 weeks and they were doing more. More fear, more anxiety, no sleep. Monday came and the surgery was done. This time more pain, less positive, no sleep, scared out of my mind. But between all my FB family, my family and friends and God above, I made it through the week, and Friday came and a phone call came, I held my breath, when she said "I wanted to call you and let you know that the biopsy was clear so that you could enjoy your weekend", the tears came and I looked up and thanked God. It's not over though, I have to be watched, some can regrow, but I am going to try and have the faith that God won't let that happen. I survived that thing for 5 years, that was a miracle in itself. So please to all, don't let anything go, if there is fear, ask your doctor to help you, there are good anti anxiety meds, and talk to people. We don't have to die, just don't be like me and wait 5 years, that was a miracle and God had to have made that happen.

A quick post

Hello my friends! I know it has been awhile since I have posted, I have been dealing with some life issues and the summer has not been the best. I will be back in the next few weeks and let you know all about it.

Until then, I wanted to share a giveaway going on now from a fellow blogger and Facebook friend. Please go over to Cricket Hollow and join in the fun. She has many ways to enter and you can earn lots of chances.

So finish off the summer with lots of fun, enjoy and I will see you very soon!

Well it's over for another year

Well, sad but true, another vacation is over and I have post vacation depression. Hmmph, what now? There is just something about the Outer Banks of North Carolina, God must have made them for me. 

I was there when I was 12 for a very brief time when the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse was still on the beach. I went to the Wright Brother's Memorial and the Dunes in Kitty Hawk. I went to the lighthouse, played in the ocean and that was that. But that place had been haunting me for 37 years. My daughter metioned 3 years ago that she wanted to go to South Carolina. I am not a big beach person, I told her to have fun with that, I want to go to North Carolina. A few weeks later, she decided that's where she was going and I was welcome to come too, she was going to rent a house. The whole family went and the love affair started. We have gone as a family for the last 3 years and have even included a few friends.

There is just something about the fact that you are on a very thin strip of sand land in  between the sound and the ocean. I sit in awe the entire time I am there. If you go to the farthest end at Hatteras, there is nowhere else to go other than by ferry. It is not commercialized there, very family oriented, no boardwalk, and beach for as far as you can see. Blue green water that is so very clear and some huge waves at times. The history of the Outer Banks is very fascinating in itself. I have learned more there than I ever did in history class. 

The sunsets are phenomenal, but I haven't been awake in time to catch a sunrise, one year I will. I get a sense of peace when I am there that I just can't get at home, sad to say. I have tears when I leave and needless to say, it takes forever to get back into  "real life" as I call it. Sometimes the thought of living there takes over, but then I remember that I really am not a beach person and the thought of the hurricanes that they have down there really scares me, not too up for them!

So another vacation over and now to focus on getting back to the real life again, I will be savoring the sights and sounds for awhile.

I did manage to get some thrift store time, just a little and I did find a few things, but next year there are a few bigger thrift stores that I will get to, couldn't do it this time. Here are my finds and I had sure better start painting them soon! If I don't marie is waiting to take them from me!

It was funny because most of them had no prices on them and I had so many that they just started making up prices and nothing over 1.50. I was a happy camper with my paper grocery bag full of new treasures!

 Well, I wasn't so funny this time, more emotional than my norm, but I am missing the beach and wanted to share some memories with you. This has been long, I will let you leave now but with some fantastic sunsets, you can share my memories with me!

 Good night my friends!!

OK, so it's Monday, AGAIN and a giveaway

Good morning! It's Monday.......again. Why do these days seem to come around so fast?? I don't know, but this one is killing me. No energy, didn't get half of the things done that I wanted to do and this is how I feel. 5:30 am did not like me this morning, maybe it was me that didn't like it!

Possibly I feel this way because Spring is weird this year. We needed air conditioning in March and April, yesterday we needed a fire in the woodstove, hmmm. Even though the sun was shining for the most part, I stayed in and maybe that's the problem. But 50 mph winds on Saturday didn't call to me to go out under the hundreds of trees that I live amongst for fear of being whacked in the head by tree limbs and yesterday was cold and windy too. I had withdraw from yard sales, missed quite a few, so I decided to be kind to myself and set one goal and that was to clean my desk.

Did I get it done? Well yes, but it took a day and a half. It makes me wonder what I do when I paint that I create such a mess. I couldn't find the desk, let alone the stuff I was working on or my brushes. I had paint from one end to the other and lots of "wanna get done" projects all over. I feel like I can at least think now anyway. I swear that I have adult ADD for all the things that I start. It's no wonder that I can't ever get anywhere! I can't find anything. So that goal got accomplished.

Setting goals and making lists tend to be a problem for me. I am not sure why, I think because I tend to punish myself when I don't get things done. Then I get overwhelmed and don't do anything. Maybe that's why I am still dreaming of having a shop instead of actually having one. Silly me, you have to actually do something to get where you want to be.

Anyway, as for goals and shops, I wanted to make mention of a giveaway going on from a wonderful lady who actually has a shop and does get things done, she has become my idol, I wanna be like her when I grow up. She is on Facebook and has 2 blogs. Wander over, say hi to Marie, and sign up for her giveaway, she has such wonderful creative work, you'll love her painting. Marie's Country Woodcrafts

Tell me about your goals and how you go about getting where you want to be. Have a glorious, blessed day! Take some time to see the beauty around you today!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of you. I hope that you have a chance to count your blessings, laugh and just relax today! I have no plans, just puttering around and reflecting on my many blessings, my children grand children and the things in my life that I have been allowed to have and the talents that I have been blessed with.

My Mom is not with me anymore, but I sure hope that she is experiencing Mother's Day in a new state and feels free from her bonds and problems that she had experienced in her life time, missing you today Mom!

Many hugs and smiles to all of you, I hope that your day is filled with many blessings!

See you all soon!

I have received 2, yes 2, blogger awards! Thank you!!

Good morning world!! I have received 2 blogger awards and now I must pass them along, but seems that those I was going to send them to got one too!! But the conditions are that I must tell you 7 things about me that you don't know, hmmm, I think you must all know my mundane life by now, but I will think hard.

But before I do this, I must Credit those who gave them to me! The first being Tonya from

http://thehillbillywife.blogspot.com/. Such a sweetheart she is and always taking the time to be nice to me on my Facebook page, thanks Tonya, so much. I feel honored!

The second being my friend and Facebook  cheerleader Max. She is always there first thing every morning trying to make me believe that I am going to have a good day, hey some days it works! Thanks Max, I feel special, very special!

http://kraftymax.blogspot.com/ Take some time to check out these lovely ladies and their wonderful creations!

Now as for what you may not know about me, let's see.....

1. I am a widow of 23 years, my husband died when he was 29, I was 27. A very rough time for me.
2. I have 3 grown girls and 7 grandchildren, 5 boys and 2 girls.
3. I used to display at about 12 craft shows a year in Ohio, Pa, Virginia and New Jersey. Unfortunately, I only do one now, don't have the energy or time anymore, though someday, I would like to do more!
4. I used to paint mainly miniatures in 7 different colors for shadow boxes and many wood cutouts, my passion has changed a little.
5. I love cats and birds, spend alot of time watching and feeding birds.
6. My favorite place to vacation is the Outer Banks of NC, Hatteras to be exact, no place on earth like it!

7. I want nothing more than to be able to paint for a living, but then, you may have known that already, seeing that I am always complaining about the lack of time! I have always wanted to have a shop and teach painting classes.

There you have it, I can't think of 7 more, so this will have to do for now. Thanks again ladies, now to think of 7 people that I want to give mine to........

Peg's Patterns

The Soap Barn   

 Glenna's Garden

Primagals Primitive Palette

Paper On Parade

Moss Mountain

Mommy's Dream 

Another weekend, time does fly!

Happy Sunday! I love my weekends, especially when there are yard sales! Can't say that they were the best this weekend, for having gone to three big community ones, there weren't too many people participating, funny, the weather was good. Hot but good. I did mange to get a few things, but honestly, did I need more?? No..........and if you saw on Facebook back some time ago, I posted pics of my basement, which I refer to as my "warehouse", you would sure know why I don't need more! I will share those with you and you will see.

 

Now as you can see, more is not what I need!

What I need now is time. I guess that is my major issue in life, time. I have too many things going on. Taking care of children all day for a living does not allow too much creative time. I try to grab an hour here and 2 there, but sometimes it gets overwhelming. The we have the yard and the house and oh my, what about me?? I think that me got lost in the basement.

Now as far as collecting this stuff goes, it is an obsession. Yup, that's what it is. I am not a hoarder, only when it comes to painting stuff, then ok, yup, I hoard. I see these wonderful things that people want to throw way and vision all kinds of gingerbread and snowmen and saltbox houses on them. You know, they talk to me!! If I could paint 8 or 9 hours a day, I could fill a store and then make that dream of painting for a  living come true. But then sadly, life comes knocking and it's kids and yard work and housework, "SIGH". Someday I keep telling myself, it''ll be the way I see it!

But anyway, the room I paint in is what we in this house refer to as, "the paint room", can be just as much an issue as the basement. I get lots of things going all at once, do I have attention deficit? Hmmm, maybe, big plans is more like it and not realizing that it all takes time, I am still waiting for my painting fairies to visit during the night while I am asleep, do you have a few I can borrow? The room is small, like only 8 feet wide and maybe 14 or 15 feet long. It was once a back porch that got closed in and we went a little further and insulated and painted and gave it new carpet. It is all windows, the sun comes up right here in the morning, I watch the birds and see the trees, it's a great room. I picked yellow for it to help me with my motivation issues. But this keeps the mess out of the living areas and is the first thing you see when you come in, keeping it neat is a challenge.

You can see that I have attention issues with all the stuff that has somehow, magically, appeared on my desk. Maybe the fairies were here, if they were, why haven't they finished this stuff yet?? I know, dreaming up new stuff!! I guess that I need to concentrate a little more, maybe put the kids in a closet with duct tape????????? If we didn't have to eat I wouldn't have to waste time cooking and cleaning that up, some more time found!!! Maybe if I didn't eat for a week or so, I could lose that last 15 lbs I have been trying to lose for a year and I would gain 3 more hours of painting time, YES!!!

I just must say, time is an issue for all of us that stay at home and work, I have always been real curious as to how others mange theirs. I feel overwhelmed many days and that leaves me feeling too tired to do anything at all. What about you?

And in case you are wondering, no I don't have little paths through my house with boxes stashed up to the ceilings, only in the basement, I don't like chaos that I have to live with daily, really I don't!! I have a fit if someone leaves a cup on the table or a dish on the counter! I feel obsessive compulsive! It's just those treasures at the yard sales that call me and I see gingers dancing around on that create problems for me!!

I hope you like the new blog background and layout, I wanted to be able to put a little more on it and I like the darker backgrounds, makes things stand out a little more. I had some help from Diana at Crocheted by Diana, I could not have done it without her for sure, and she has such infinite patience with me and my indecisiveness, I can't make up my mind and am very difficult to please. Thanks Diana!

As always, take time to count your blessings!